Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Why am I Jealous?

It’s hard to believe that Hannah’s due date is a mere two months away. In two months I will not just be a husband, but a father. My friends who are in their thirties and forties still have a hard time accepting that I’m going to be a father. A lot of people waited until they were in their late twenties or even in their thirties before starting a family. Some people we know who are more than ten years older than us have children our kids will be able to play with.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m not following my parents generation (or even the generation prior) rather than my own. Compared to my peers, who’ve decided to put family on hold, I’m a technological dinosaur. I have a flip phone without internet or texting. My computer is about 5 years old. I don’t spend much time at coffee shops, and I don’t have a gym membership.

This is in large part because I can’t afford these things. While my compatriots are DINKs (Double Income, No Kids), Hannah and I subsist largely on my income, and soon we’ll be adding another person to the family.

I’d love to say that I’m unfazed by all this, but recently I’ve been feeling a little jealous of others. I’d like to have the iPhone and the iPad. I’d like to get a 3D television and go to the movies more often. But we’ve got to start stockpiling diapers. We’ve got to look at getting a second vehicle. We want to save up for a house someday.

I have to work on my heart with this matter. I have to ask God for forgiveness because this jealousy is an expression of discontent with God’s provision. I have a good wife. I have a good job. My home is happy and even if I don’t have 24/7 access to Facebook, I have a good job and someone to share every moment with. By marrying young and having my first kid before I’m 24, I will get to spend that much more time with the woman and child I love.

God has given me so much. Why am I jealous?

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