An Inopportune Walk

This evening my wife decided to take a walk at a most inopportune time. The timing was less than ideal, as Abigail decided to start crying almost the instant the door closed, and I was all alone for however long a walk Hannah would take.

I finished the line of Greek homework I was on, hoping it was just a moment of restlessness on her part, but the English translation was made and my child was still expressing her discontent the only way she knows how. I laid the laptop on the floor, took a deep breath, and walked into the room from whence the commotion was originating.

There in the dark lay a poor mess. Although she's never seen any shows on Animal Planet, she was imitating with great success the death roll of a saltwater crocodile while still in her crib, the wooden bars preventing her from rolling out of the crib. I picked up the puddle of mush as leaving her in the crib would do nothing to aid her in returning to her restful state, much less in returning me to mine.

Hannah is quite skilled in turning a puddle of mush back into a sleeping infant, whereas my efforts at soothing the sobbing semiconscious mass had little effect, no so much as upgrading the puddle into a halfway gelatinous mix of tears and child. For a moment I was transported back to the first few weeks after Abigail came home from the hospital and turned me into a chronic consumer of caffeine. During those nights I was overcome with both despair and annoyance because the bubbling mass of tears was interrupting my already limited window allotted to sleep.

But tonight was different. I've mellowed out some since those first few weeks, and I hear that's a good sign that the sleep deprivation hasn't left any long-term damages to my body or psyche. Looking down into the drowsy eyes and gaping mouth, I saw a precious gift of time. The changes that have occurred in Abigail since last September are so profound that I can't help but think of how little time we have before our children leave their current stage of life forever. She won't always be this little. She won't always be this dependent on me. Wisdom tells me to take it all in one moment at a time and cherish it while it lasts.

An inopportune walk. A timely reminder.

Noisy Neighbors

I've never really been bothered about living in an apartment. It's conveniently close to work and church and conveniently easy to maintain (no yard work, little interior work). The whole house-hunting experience has been frustrating at times, and even scary when I stop to consider some of the upfront costs (repairs, fixtures, lawnmower, etc.). Last night I was reminded that apartment living isn't always the greatest thing.

As I've been sick since Thursday evening, I have been napping the last couple of days. Yesterday I took a nap while Hannah went to Enfoque, our Saturday night Hispanic church. With no one to wake me up, I got a good three hours in. By the time Hannah and I were ready for bed, I was a little restless. Come 1:00 am or so, I hear voices and laughter coming from outside. Since I wasn't getting any sleep in edgewise, I came out to the living room and peeked through the blinds. Seven or eight people, men and women, were in the parking lot after apparently having spent the last few hours enjoying the night life of Indianapolis. I couldn't tell if anyone was drunk, but they were certainly being loud and obnoxious at 1:00 am.

I decided to grab my laptop and look up the number of the Lawrence Police Department. No sense calling 911 for a little disturbing of the peace. The officer on the other end of the line was nice, and I'm thankful for the men and women who work 2nd and 3rd shift just to keep us safe. He told me he'd send an officer out to check on it. Within ten minutes I didn't hear any more noise outside.

In the 3+ years I've lived in this apartment complex, I've never had to do that. Of course, Abigail has been thus far unsuccessful at waking me up in the middle of the night, so it's possible my snoring has drowned out any obnoxious noises coming from outside. I guess I was just lucky last night. Whatever the the reason I've never had to do this before, I'm very happy to be looking for a house if nothing else for the chance at some privacy.

Then again, that's assuming my future neighbors aren't like my friends' neighbor who occasionally stands in front of his sliding door in the buff.

House Shopping

Throughout all our lives we’re always doing things for the first time. As I move into adulthood, these firsts become more expensive, more time-consuming, and more terrifying than anything I’ve done before.

When I got married I lumped a bunch of those firsts together in one package. It was the first time I’d lived apart from my parents, the first time I moved out of state, the first time I entered into a rental agreement, the first time I was 100% responsible for my well-being (and that of my spouse), and the first time I did a few other things that go along with marriage.

Having Abigail a bare seven months ago was the culmination of a nine-month series of firsts such as looking at ultrasounds and taking my wife to whatever restaurant sold the food she was craving at the time.

There’ve been a lot of firsts. Now I’m looking at buying my first house. If you think it is like looking for an apartment or shopping for a car, you are like I was a couple weeks ago, never having gone through the process myself. Now I’m in the thick of looking for that oh-so-special place to raise children and root my family. Soon, if all goes well, I will be signing eight million forms, all of which can be used against me to rob me of my investment and leave me on the street with much less than I have now.

Even though marriage is a lifelong commitment (at least for us it is), it didn’t seem as financially scary of a commitment as a 30-year mortgage does right now. I can’t just downsize if times get tough or pull out altogether and move to a new city. I can’t sit back on my cement patio and watch the mowing service take care of the property around me. I can’t make a phone call to management to replace the toilet or change out the electrical sockets. Each of those things will be my responsibility and on my dime. And if water starts pouring out all over from behind the bathroom wall, it’s not as though I’ll get an upgrade and a month’s rent free (this never happened to me by the way).

For these reasons and more this whole thing is a little scary. But I have a few things I’ve come to accept that I believe will help me through this transition:

1. God is in control. The reason I made it in to work today is because God didn’t plan for me to die in a traffic accident this morning. Anything that comes my way, good or bad, is part of God’s providential care over my life.

2. Something will go wrong. Even if we find the perfect house on the perfect lot, the seller accepts my initial offer, the most knowledgeable inspector gives the house a clean bill of health, something will go wrong. A pipe will bust, the wiring will have to be replaced. The roof will leak, the windows will have to be replaced. That’s when I will likely experience buyer’s remorse. But it’s okay. Refer back to #1.

3. My wife loves me. No matter what, if we get the house I want or the house she wants (hopefully there’s a point where these two wants converge), my wife will love me.

Am I a little nervous? Yep. But I’m a lot more confident now because I’m not in this alone.

A Birthday Celebration

From Hannah:

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I had one of the most memorable birthdays ever this year. When I turned 12 or so, my birthdays started becoming somewhat monotonous. I expected a cake, a few cards, and maybe a gift or two. I remember celebrating my 22^nd birthday with many friends, a sombrero, and Mexican food. The rest blur together in my mind. But I’m pretty sure I won’t forget this year’s celebration.

This birthday started out as expected. I’m not that excited about cakes, so my husband told me I could pick out another dessert. I chose 2 ‘muffins’ that tasted more like cupcakes. We hired a babysitter and planned on going to Puccini’s for dinner.

I thought I’d take my usual morning break from Abigail to run errands. I cheerfully loaded her up and drove to my friend’s house. Unfortunately, my predictable day became unpredictable. As I grabbed the diaper bag and unbuckled Abigail from her car seat, I placed my keys in my purse. Thinking I wouldn’t need the purse just to drop Abby off, I left it in the back seat. My car locked automatically as I walked inside.

A few minutes later, I waltzed out only to realize my mistake. Now I was stuck in Fishers (about 20 minutes away from home) without a car. My friend’s car is currently awaiting repair, so I didn’t even have the option of asking for a ride. Reluctantly I dialed my husband’s number, desperately hoping he would respond well. I left a message asking him to pick me up at his convenience. I decided to make the best of the situation and I actually enjoyed hanging out at a friend’s house for a few hours. I felt a little guilty for making her entertain me though. When Andrew arrived, he handed me a McD’s frappe and seemed surprisingly happy. He still glanced at the clock every few minutes.

“What time do you have to go back?” I asked. That’s when my husband told me he took the rest of the day off! My friend volunteered to stay with my sleeping baby while we enjoyed walking around the Hamilton Town Center, an outdoor mall.

In our busy lives, we rarely get the time to ‘date’ alone. We felt like a couple giddy college students again. The rest of the day passed pleasantly enough; I opened my present from Andrew and several cards from family. In the evening, we enjoyed a meal without the baby. The birthday muffins tasted magnificent.

Most importantly, I learned that little hiccups in the day can actually make life fun; but not exciting enough to lock my keys in the car again.

Basically Nothing, Right?

From January 17, 2011. I misplaced the file for a little bit.

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If you zoom in you can see my contorted body wrapped
around her left pinky.

My coworker asked me if Abigail was doing anything yet. I thought for a moment and said, "She can hold her hands together."

He nodded and said, "So, basically nothing, right?"

True, in the great span of child and human development, she's not got much under her belt yet. Hannah and I are just thankful and excited about all the changes that are taking place. Holding her hands together is a big jump from what she was doing last month.

Here's a list of the big changes I've noticed:

1. She can hold things. Including her hands, a rattle, stuffed animals, and whatever else we put into her hands. We're still working on getting her to reach for new objects, but she will grab and release anything we give her.
   
   
2. She fits and sits in a Bumbo chair. This means we can prop the child up almost anywhere-on the table, on the bed, on the floor, on the couch-which frees us to use two hands at once, like eating, doing your hair, cleaning the living room, etc.
   
   
3. The Diaper Genie needs frequent changes. Abigail's diapers are getting bigger because she's growing and she's filling them more often. Fortunately I haven't had to do too many that come with substance. Hannah also learned the value of making sure the diaper is strapped on correctly after having to borrow a shirt and pants from a friend we were visiting.
   
   
4. She likes to snuggle. Up until now, I've been ranked only slightly better than complete stranger on Abigail's list. She'll put up with me, but she prefers to have Hannah in visual range or she gets upset. This past weekend she warmed up to me and decided she likes to snuggle. We keep each other warm and she melts my heart. What can I say?
   
   
5. She's drooling a lot. I've taken to calling her Drooly Androols when I wipe her face. Clear drool is fine. When it’s cloudy white is when it's disgusting. Eeeeewwww!!!!
   
   
6. She smiles. She's been smiling for a while, but it seems like the smiles keep getting bigger. She coos and kind of giggles, making most any time with her a great time.

SAHMs

From Hannah:

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I didn’t always want to be a SAHM (stay at home mom). As a high school student, the idea of wiping kids’ noses and bottoms all day seemed unappealing. I did recognize the value in spending time with my children, so I tried to chose a career that would be conducive to raising children. For that reason among others, I chose teaching. Everyone knows that teachers get out of work at 4 pm daily and have summers off, right?

I learned that a teacher’s job never ends. Andrew works 8-4:30 year round, but when he comes home his work is done. Teachers have staff meetings. Masters classes. Sports games. Grading. Lesson plans. Field trips. They put in enough work during the school year to make up for the summer off. And I wanted to teach in a Christian school, where you work even harder and get paid less. I soon realized that teaching is not an easy career to mix with children. I admire those who can do it. I can’t. Before we got married, my husband told me he had always wanted his wife to stay home with the kids at least part time. He has been a constant encouragement.

Advantages

Now I am a SAHM, along with 25-35% of women with children under age 6. Everyday I get to watch my daughter grow. I saw her first smile and heard her first giggle. I take her to all her doctor appointments. Some working women can still feed their babies breast milk, but it’s not even a question of ‘if’ for me. She’s only a baby once.

Instead of hearing a report about my child, I give reports about her to whoever cares (and even those who don’t). I’ve seen quality daycare facilities, with their bright, cheery rooms. But as her mother, I love her more than a daycare worker who has 7 other screaming babies in a room. One worker told me that many babies show more excitement when they get dropped off with the teachers than when they get picked up by their parents. My heart would break.

If I did work, a tremendous portion of my salary would go towards childcare. (I don’t have a convenient fulltime grandma like a few of my friends.) I would have to pay around $200/week for a baby at many daycares here. A Christian schoolteacher doesn’t make much anyways; I wouldn’t show much of a profit for my labors. This way we get to save the childcare money.

Extra perks of staying at home include a relatively clean house and home cooked meals most days (though this is more of a perk for Andrew, not me).

I even get breaks. A friend who watches Abby a few hours a week, my women’s Bible study, and the church nurseries all give me refreshing breaks from my adorable child.

Disadvantages

As most SAHMS will tell you, life is not all home cooked meals and playtime. Some days it can be lonely going for 8 hours or more with no adult conversation other than occasional phone calls. I participate in many church events and go out a lot, but some days I find myself alone with a 4 month old. Andrew comes home with stories about crazy employees and disciplinary actions. I talk about Abigail and grocery deals.

In our culture, working moms sometimes look down on us SAHMs as if we were incapable of handling work and children. The first question most people ask when they meet is, “Where do you work?” When I answer, some consider me the equivalent of a high school dropout on welfare. I graduated magna cum laude with a bachelor’s degree, thank you very much.

I thank God for my husband’s job, but we realize it’s one income in a two income society. We have to do without the smart phones, enormous TV, Honda Odyssey, giant house (for now), gym membership, Mary Kay makeup (Andrew really misses it), Hollister clothes, dates at Fogo do Chao, and vacations in Cancun. My children won’t go to the Children’s Museum every weekend, play with the latest toys, or wear Baby Gap – unless it’s from a garage sale.

In spite of the disadvantages, for me it’s worthwhile, at least now. I almost certainly won’t stay home for the rest of my life, but I want to be Abigail’s primary caregiver while she’s little. After all, I am her mother.

10 Memorable Events of 2011

Hannah's list

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1. The day I took a pregnancy test at my husband’s request, sure that he was wrong this time, we found out we were expecting after all! My emotions were a bundle of terror and joy, but I really had no idea what we signed up for.

2. When Michiganders say, “there’s a lot of snow,” you know there’s at least 6 inches. We felt adventurous and drove about 15 miles north in 6 inches of rapidly falling snow to see a good friend’s new baby. The snow reached the bottom of the car and I drove 25 on 465. One look at Lucia’s little features and Betzy’s grateful face made it worth the drive, although I’m not doing it again!

3. In March, we celebrated my 23rd birthday with lots of people, a cake shaped like the Bible Andrew gave me, and lasagna. I’d graduated from college, worked, been married for 3 years, and generally felt much older than 23. My 30-something friends were envious though J.

4. Once a year Andrew takes a week-long intensive seminary class. This year, Andrew spent a week in Louisville studying the New Testament while I visited family in Michigan. I enjoyed the time with my family, especially my mom, before the baby came. We missed each other and talked on the phone until late at night, but absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

5. Andrew’s Grandma Wencl died in April and we drove 10 hours to her funeral in Minnesota. I added beautiful Minnesota and utterly boring Iowa to the list of states I’ve been in. I learned more about my husband’s relatives and Czech heritage as I met aunts and uncles, cousins, and random relatives. It was the first funeral I can remember attending, but not the last.

6. Ironically, in the year our daughter began life we saw more funerals than ever before. God took one of our high school friends, Ashley Cottle, and led her into His presence. A few weeks after our Minnesota trip, we drove to Michigan to be there for her husband, another friend. I don’t have more words, only this; we will never forget her life.

7. Pregnancy can make a woman feel as attractive as a giant mushroom, but Andrew surprised me with a date to the apple orchard. We ate lunch, picked 5 pounds of apples, and dreamed of next year when Abigail could run around with us.

8. After an induction and easy labor, Abigail entered the world just a week late! Both of our parents traveled the 5 hours to see her and help us out, which is the only reason we survived the first few weeks! Our church family encouraged us with visits and yummy meals. Food seemed boring when I had to cook again.

9. New parents have notoriously low sleep meters – and time with each other. For Andrew’s birthday, I sent 1 1/2 month old Abby to a friend’s house for a few hours. We celebrated Andrew’s 24^th birthday with a homemade hamburger and fries dinner (his favorite) free of interruptions from a fussy baby.

10. For me, Christmas tops the list of all other events in the year. We spent Christmas with family. I realized that Christmas revolves around Abigail now for us; she received more gifts than both of us, as it should be. Eggnog, cookies, way too much food, card games, Mancala, gag gifts, and old friends completed the Christmas experience.